Dan da Xin Xi

I took a quick rest from talking and blogging about my book, hoping that everything would be on auto-pilot, and because it is internet, especially facebook, it is possible to let the program to run by itself, with very little supervision. Alongside, I had launched my own advertising campaign with Fb, using the CPC method (cost per click) with the bid of $0.10 per click, and spent daily budget at most, $3.00, meaning to say, I should get 30 clicks per day. But that '30' is a non-guaranteed conversion, as out of that number, might be there are few slips - not all people would sign up as a fan. So, it's okay, we try.

Back to the main topic. I spent these days by feeding my wild side of curiosity, by reading books, whether fictional or non-fictional. I got 'It's Not About the Coffee' written by a former President of Starbucks International, I gorge on 'Google Speaks' - a complete autobiography of how Google was founded, why they called it Google instead of Go-Ogle (Haha), till the latest products and genius free but 'with-a-price-to-be-paid-later' by those two founders. I also got a book from MPH - AirAsia story - about how Tony Fernandez. built his empire, by purchasing the lease at RM1, with RM40 million debts, as he took over the failing airline company and turn it into one of the best and largest low-cost-modeled airlines in the world, and now with his other ventures - Tunes hotel, mobile prepaid, F1 Malaysia, low-cost web hosting etc.

Well, people said, 'Never put all your eggs in one basket', and I said, 'Try to find eggs that can take up baskets in it'. Huh? Yeah, well, sometimes, we need bigger eggs, with harder shells.

So, last night, I pulled on this book 'Cerita Saya: Lim Goh Tong', it's in Malay translation, and you can get it in English and in Chinese language too. I would like to quote on this, as he said-

" Memang benar saya suka ambil risiko; dalam hal ini saya berbeza dengan peniaga Cina lama. Bla bla bla... Saya yakin bahaawa untuk berjaya dalam perniagaan, kita harus ada sikap yang disebut orang Cina 'dan da xin xi', iaitu, berani tapi berhati-hati"

That's about it. So, 'dan da xin xi' means going bold, going big and nasty, but CAREFULLY. I kinda like this saying, it nails it. I know, he's doing casino business, which is something that we might not want to involve in, but learning from this business guru, about his endless passions and visions, are harmless, my friend.


The best part in this book, is about 'the first love encounter', as always, the 'best' part, haha. Especially when it's written in Malay it sounds really 'perky' and bouncy and sprightly. Read this, if you doubt my words-

"Pada masa pendudukan Jepun, saya berkedai menjual perkakasan di Jln. Pudu, KL. Di sebelah saya tinggal keluarga Lee yang mempunyai anak gadis bernama Kim Hua. Gadis remaja itu matang (matang? Erpp? I start to laught at this point, but controllable) dan rupawan. Saya jatuh cinta pandang pertama (OMG! At this point, I was trembling on the floor, laughing out loud. I dunno man, it just 'nails' it, again. When the word 'matang' meets 'rupawan' then eventually touched up with 'Saya jatuh cinta...', I couldn't resist it anymore. I laugh real hard till the eyes got red. Seriously. That's why I can't and never read Malay novels with the 'Cinta' titles in front, it just funny. It's not romantic anymore). You don't laugh? At all? Come one, it's funny! No? Well, you're not that humorous, are you?

Anyway..hikhikhik (still laughing), he finally got married at 26 and that girl was only 16. But a year later, bad news come, which made me stopping 'LOL' at him.

"Suatu malam dalam April pada tahun selepas perkahwinan kami, isteri saya bermimpi bahawa ibu saya menegurnya kerana masakannya tidak sedap (Wow! That was heartbreaking...). Keesokannya isteri saya bertanya, "Emak abang (abang?!...phewiittt) berkulit cerahkah, mukanya kurus sedikit, rupanya macam Dewi Belas Ihsan?"

Then, Lim said , "Yeah, that was right. That's mom", sort of (I used simpler wordings, pretty lazy to type in the lengthy sentences).
Few months later, he received a letter that Mom had passed away on that April, the month which the wife got the dream. It's pretty sad, right?

Other keynotes, and noteworthy highlight, is his crucial stand and firm grip on his principle of 'doing the impossible with sheer possibility'. And these few lines, below, really give us a giant SLAP on our faces, especially the skeptics.

"Apabila saya mengenang kembali, terlintas juga rasa kagum akan keberanian sendiri berkata kepada para pencemuh: "Ketawakanlah saya sepuas hati, sampai pecah perut pon takpaaa (I just made up those 'sampai pecah perut...' and on. Haha. So that it sounds better! Isn't it?), saya tetap akan naik juga ke gunung itu".."

That's the spirits! Love that one. Love it, love it, like it! It tells me and us, that we are not afraid to be a laughingstock, because of our crazy dreams, and so-called ambitious planning. Let them barking and yelling like hell, but we do our job and we do it with our hearts and heads, not mouths.

Nobody wants to be in that ghostly Genting once upon a time, but today, we pay a thousand ringgit, per room per night, to those 'ghosts', so that we can have a very chilly, less-sweating first night of marriage (hik hik hik) with our 'matang and rupawan' newly-wed wife, (I laugh again. Sorry guys. Can't handle it! Seriously) in a very cozy suite, and we make lots of babies then. Always wear an 'umbrella' if you're not ready, yet. Hopefully. :D

Take a good care of yourself. And the girl next door. Walla!
(I have to finish this short, I can't HANDLE it. It's funny. Malay-translated books really funny, sometimes)

Have a good one. With your new. Twin sized bed.

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
With a single pillow underneath your single head.
I guess you decided that that old queen holds more space than you would need.
Now it's in the alley behind your apartment with a sign that says 'It's free'.

And I hope you have more luck with this than me.
You used to think that someone would come along.
And lay beside you in a space that they belong.
But the other side of the mattress and box springs stayed like new.
What's the point of holding onto a-never-gets-used?
Other than a sick desire for self-abuse.

And I try not to worry, but you've got me terrified.
It's like your some kind of hurry to say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye.

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.

Someone genius enough wrote this. What matters most in a song is the lyrics, same goes with life, and it's principle. As you go along with these deepening words, and it's like biting every palette of your heart, tearing it apart with many sheds of regrets, as you console your heart and keep telling yourself, 'She would be fine...with her new bed...new guy...new life' but how would you know she would? Why would u still care about her?


Why would you? Because it's not about her.

It's about the bed, the boxsprings and the memories as we laid down our head against the headrest, talking about the endless future as we made fun of the wobbly fan under the ceiling that we rested, but we are not worried, 'cause the melancholy song that we lip-synced together as the mighty Sun crept up her beams into our windows, was still playing in the background, carelessly, of what we had done in the past...As the lyrics remain lyrics. And it plays through our heart. It resounded through the squished bed as we sat down. And your new twin size bed stays like new, as you still waiting for someone to replace, though the guy would be a new...And you've got me terrified..again

P/S: Just a quick review of the lyrics, nothing fishy, and has nothing to do with my book. Just sharpening some vocabs over here and scaring away those gloomy thoughts.

There is a light that never goes out

Read the title of this post? Sounding familiar? Well, if you're a fan of the once-upon-a-time British indie band, The Smiths, you might notice it.

"To die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die...." - That is part of the lyrics. Curious? Youtube it. Haha.

Hope is a bulb!

So, where are we now? How's the progress of this book?
First, thank a zillion, to all my friends, past and present, and some new supporters who support this project, by signing up as a fan in the facebook page. A friend of mine, Dayah Dayun, she did blog about this book and this rally too - you're the man! (though you're a woman).

I just checked my mailbox today, and...there is a light! Of hope! My senior at Vandy, Aminah, she left a message in my message box in fb, and she asked me to try this publishing house, Silverfish.
Thus, I did as what she said. I shot an email to the only email address they provide, somekind of default email add, like info@blablacompany.com
So, this is what I wrote, that I copied and pasted from my email entry:

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Hi there,

I don't know if I am asking the right 'place' or the right people right now, but I am keen and optimist in finding a publisher for my debut book. It's an English fiction and I have contacted lots of publishing houses in Malaysia, like Alaf 21 and PTS, so forth, but none of them is publishing books in English, anymore.

So, the thing is, I want to dedicate this book for my graduating seniors from United States, this coming May, as well as my other friends of my old, alma mater, and I am really hoping my manuscript should be given a chance and a place in this industry.

I have 'google' a lot, looking for publisher. That's why I am asking Silverfish, If they publish or know some publishers that would work well with new, amateur writer like me.

Thanks and hoping,
Azrin Z.

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That was my email. And they did reply! Thank GOD! And it sounds...hope, though really a tiny one. So, below is the content of the reply:

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First of all there is no way we can get your book out by May even if we agree to publish it. We have a long queue already. Secondly, we have to know what genre your book is in and you have to send us a sample of your writing -- about 20 pages, A4 double spaced, .doc format -- by email and we shall get back to you.
Raman

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Simple but, at least, gives me a small shed of lights, in publishing this book. So, Im thinking of submitting the first two chapters, for a sample, and a proofread for them.

I hope that everyone will pray that they will LOVE IT, not just like it. Okay? I'll update more about this later. Thanks for your never-ending supports, appreciate it so much! Keep spreading the words~

I'm not going down without a fight

It's 3 a.m., I can't sleep at all, when I recalled back what happened yesterday morning. Yeah, I'm still talking about the rejections. They are really heartbreaking. It wasn't totally their faults, but I need to go through another hard times since last January, and now, April isn't that promising either, it full with hopes but aimlessly diminished, like all these 3-month efforts are just bags of trashes.
Crying during shower doesn't help, though a bit relieving. I got out, with no single shed of tears left, I disposed them, those despairs, and I'm going for a rally for myself. I had moody dinner with my dad and he was the victim for this small but resilient tantrums.
I am not going down without a fight...I don't take NO for an answer. And so do you.

REJECTIONS are tough...and heartrending

I know...I don't like the heading/title I put above either. Nobody likes rejection. The ripple effect of rejection is dejection, for sure.

It happens, again. It took three months to write and produce this book, but it took a minute and three emails to destroy everything, all at once. You have no idea what I'm talking about now, don't you? It's okay, I'll tell you.

If you read previous post, I was so excited about finishing this book and in fact, it is done, with the 'THE END' phrase been put there. With all the joys, punches into the stale air, sleeping soundly with sweet dreams, but I woke up today, with despairs...just another disappointment and rejection of life.
I was looking for a publisher, thus, I emailed few publishing houses. The first one was PTS. It was a great email, great heading, neat and polite Malay sentences, but, well, they said they don't carry English fiction. So, it's fine, I respect that and it is part of their vision and mission to only produce high-quality Malay novels. Again, it's fine, no big deal.

Second, I emailed Alaf21, through one of the employee. I shot them two emails, one on yesterday and one today. After hours of waiting for a reply, I got one. This is when the sense of rejection getting thicker and mind-bloating. They didn't accept English fiction, anymore, because the sale was bad and not getting much responds from readers, Malaysian readers. So, I lost, zero against two. They won, I failed badly.

But it didn't stop there. Two rejections don't make Jack a dull and depressed boy. I google more and more, I type in 'Malaysia novel publishers', 'Malaysia english novel publishers', 'English fiction publishing in Malaysia', 'where to publish book in Malaysia', all sort of keywords, well you get the idea. I also tried 'where the heck is English book publishers in Malaysia' - of course, it won't work that way. I came to one result, it was Ameen Kreatif, another publishing company. Before that, I had a brainchild of looking for local english novel in MPH online bookstore, and there were few, and I checked the publishing companies that came along with those books. So, I tried, but some websites are not active, some show the typical '404 Page NOt Found' and some don't even have websites.

Okay, about Ameen kreatif, they now mostly focusing on Islamic books and Malay literature, but still, I am a stubborn guy, with thick-faced, plus they used to publish english novels. Cutting the story short, I shot them an email, the same wordings I used for previous submissions. The company- a guy, replied few minutes later. Same thing. They don't publish English fictions, no more kid! The reply was honest and naive, so, I accepted it. And so, I accepted all the rejections today.

Is it too much to ask, just to, at least, take a look at the manuscript and we can talk later about publishing it, right? What do you say? I don't know. I feel dejected, depressed. White flag.
What should I do?

I finish the novel, like seriously

It's 3.10 a.m. in local time, Monday - Miracle happens.

Finally, the three-month-old efforts have come to a stress-free ending. The book now is done. Do you know, how hard it is, just to put the word 'THE END' in one word document, after you have written thousands of words all this while?

I don't know what to write, I'm so excited and I'm all worn out now. It's tiring. I need a good sleep now.

This is the end. This is the proof, that I'm not just talking and dreaming. I put my words into action and the most important thing is, proving myself, not proving others. Now, I believe more in myself, the one that I have lost since January ago. This is my second debut in life, and I'm climbing again. I messed up last time, but this time, no more.


This is the end of all my griefs, my despairs and disappointments. The End. The answer for my silence for this past three months. (Sorry guys that I didn't reply your birthday wishes and greets on my Facebook wall. It took a lot of courage to do that.)

I'm not going down without a fight. Thank God, you're my only hope and strength.

The novel has come to an end

Phewww...There is nothing more relievable, other than finishing something you have been working on, for about 3 months now.

So, I finally, I came to the last chapter and the word counts so far is 58,125 words. I was planning for only something less than 55,000 words, but thank God, I surpass the expectation.
And the next thing, especially today, is to finish up everything. And tonight, I need to make a thorough review from the 'Preface' till the very last page (I still don't know how should I end the story actually).

Other hand, I haven't made up my mind, on which publishing houses should I go. Whether it would be Alaf21, PTS, Utusan Publications - I don't know, because I don't have much information about any of them. I used to email someone from Alaf21, and she told me a bit about the company, the royalty distribution and stuff.
But the most important thing now is - How should I end my 'DEAD CAT FOR ZOEY' novel?

ALL PRAISE TO GOD FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH, UP TILL NOW: 58,OOO WORDS AND COUNTING!

I DID IT!!! and I DID IT MY WAY!